Monday, November 10, 2014

I Once Farted On Karen

Okay, my best friend is a movie director and she's directed some pretty popular movies. A couple years ago she directed Barbra Streisand in a movie called 'The Guilt Trip'. Sweet movie and I'm in it. (don't blink). Blah Blah Blah ... Anyway, for my Christmas gift that year she took me to see Barbra in concert at the Hollywood Bowl. We had great seats and afterwards we got to go back stage to see Barbra in her dressing room. I know, it was big time.

So we go back stage and into Barbra's dressing room. My friend says hi to Barbra and I say hi to her too (she really is a lovely woman). My friend introduces me to James Brolin (who swears he's met me before) then we both step aside (there was a gaggle of celebs there to say hi to Barbra). 

Out of the way, my friend introduces me to a woman named Karen. "Fagsy, you remember Karen, right?" (I didn't). I say hi to this kind of plain looking mousy woman. I ask her if she worked on the movie (I thought she worked in wardrobe on the film). She just kinda looked at me. It felt like I had met her before. Because I usually feel more comfortable with crew folk ...  I felt instantly comfortable with this woman. 

So my friend leaves to go shmooze and I'm left standing there alone with Karen. We strike up a conversation. She was quiet and had the energy of a mouse. 

Suddenly, I smelled a fart. So I said to Karen "did you fart?". She just looked at me. Then "Fagsy" started coming out. I started saying things like: "Someone shit their pants", "It smells like raw shit in here", "I hope someone has diapers on" etc. ... and loudly! Karen just smiled at my antics. I then started fake farting with my mouth (loudly) and Karen just smiled at me. I really loved this woman. I brought up a couple more things with her like I said "It smells like bullshit in here" and "I'm bored" etc. Just raunchy, real talk cause I felt so comfortable with her.

After about 15 minutes my friend came back and it was time to leave. We both said goodbye to Karen and as I left I turned around, bent over and stuck my butt out to Karen and farted SO LOUD. Directly at her! "Phhhhhhhhhhttttttt" and in Barbra's dressing room!! She just smiled awkwardly at me.

Walking back to the car, I'm telling my friend how much I liked Karen and how wild I was to her. My friend suddenly stops and starts laughing and saying "Oh my god!!" I ask why she's laughing. And she says, "Oh my god, I introduced you to Karen. I kept calling her Karen! It was DONNA Karan! NOT "Karen"!

What.

So all that raunch I spewed out to "Karen" was really DONNA Karan?

Yep.

Oh Fagsy.

We laughed and laughed. There I was... little ol' sweet Fagsy Sue being all harsh, dirty and inappropriate not knowing it was one of the biggest designers in the world! Miss Donna Jean Karan! (I just made up her middle name "Jean" cause it flowed) 

It really topped the night!

Here's me and Barbra's longtime manager Marty Erlichman backstage that night. SO bummed I didn't get a picture of me and "Karen".

Oh well.

Fagsy and Marty Erlichman

"Karen"
BKA: Donna Karan

10 comments:

Shirley Tutor-Perez said...

����������������������=Fagsy. Omg you're such a hoot I would give anything just to spend a few hours with you Bubbles. And now that name suits you even more. Loves ya!!

Wendy C said...

I just adore you! You know that, right?

Fagsy Malone said...

Thx Shurl. Xo

Fagsy Malone said...

Awww thank you!! Xx

lh215bk said...

First I read you met who is the Queen of music in my opinion and her husband. I'm so jealous! Then it gets better you met Donna Karan and did not know it! You were so genuine! You made me laugh out loud! Thanks for sharing! Laurie H

Fagsy Malone said...

You're welcome! Thx for reading. You'd love Barbra. She's down to earth and very real. Nothing like "Babs" or "Buttah" etc. Just a lovely woman. xx

lh215bk said...

I believe you. She does give you a sense that she would be down to earth. I grew up listening to her albums with my downstairs neighbor. I adore her.

Fagsy Malone said...

Me too. xx

Mardi Ernst said...

Must share to my Trans support hovers in Canada for their Xmas present. Lv Mpantz aka Transy xo

Fagsy Malone said...

Thanks Transy. Xx