Sunday, December 2, 2018

🔥🔥🔥

It has been a crazy 3 weeks. One minute life was normal ... then everything changed.

Life as I knew it will never be the same. My neighborhood will never be the same. We will never be the same. Fire stole our once normal lives away from us.

Losing everything in a fire feels like grief. Feels the same as when you lose someone only slightly different. It's hard to describe the feeling.

Yes, things are just things and I'm safe and all my neighbors are too. I'm grateful but also deeply saddened.

Now that the adrenaline has worn off ... here comes the reality of life. Life goes on but I'm still heartbroken. It's like I wanna yell at everyone "WAIT! MY HOME BURNED DOWN AND I HAVE NOTHING!!"

I keep playing the morning of the fire over and over in my head. Seeing the smoke getting thicker and closer over the ridge. Not knowing the fire was heading towards me and my neighborhood. The electricity was out so I couldn't watch the news.
I received concerned texts from my sister and friends but I didn't think it was that serious. I would stay and fight it!

Neighbors Lorne and James left to see where the fire was. They came back and told me to get out. In their tone I knew that I had to leave.

Frantically I grabbed a picture of my Mom and me on the wall, a t-shirt, 2 pair of underwear, my laptop, passport, social sec card, the dogs, Howard's heart medicine and left in my car.

I remember shutting my door with the thought that this may be the last time I see my place. I kinda knew it inside.

Driving thru the neighborhood towards Zuma Beach, thru smoke and wind ... things felt still. Like a nervous waiting. As I turned the last corner at the bottom of the hill I saw a wall of fire on the hill in front of me. That was when I knew we were all in trouble.

After parking on PCH, I walked down to the waters edge with the boys and watched the tornado of fire rip my neighborhood apart. I could feel the heat of the fire on my body as I watched my neighborhood go up in smoke.

I've never seen anything so violent and vicious in my life. I watched and cried as the wildlife ran in terror from this beast of a fire.

Finally after flailing around aimlessly on the beach and up at the center, I decided to get out. I could see blue sky in the south and that's where I went.

I had no place to go.

Fortunately my friend Cindy opened her home in West Hollywood to me and that is where I went and stayed for 2 weeks.

I'm now at another friends home in Pasadena. Safe.

I have moments of great sadness and grief. Then it passes and I'm filled with gratitude. I'm trying to be gentle with myself and not put pressure on me to have to figure anything out or do anything.

I'm beyond thankful to everyone who reached out to me in support and for a lovely boy in Missouri named Chris Barker who started a Go Fund Me the day the fire ripped everything away from me. Thank you to everyone who's donated.

I am very fortunate. I have great friends and good people around me. To the listeners of Straight Talk and IAGGGGP ... THANK YOU.

The fire may have taken everything I had away from me but it also gave me more love than I could ever imagine being given to me.

Here are some images and video I took of the fire:








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